mrs. montgomery alabama iii

I'm not one for conspiracy theories, but today Mark showed me all this stuff about the New World Order and FEMA. It's super fucked up/scary and I plan on researching more into it. I think stuff like this is really interesting and I'll post more about it when I know more.

I have to be up for work soon but I can't sleep.

outbound

I've seriously given this my all for the past 3 months. And I have been holding on to foolish hopes.

I would keep all the cute texts I got and read them on the days where things weren't looking as promising. And I always imagined what it would be like if stuff was good.



I don't really know what to do with myself. All I know is, a) I'm not looking for anything with anyone (not that I ever was) and now b) Even if someone shows interest I don't care.

RUUUUTEBAGAAAAAA

This video makes me LOL so much haha.



P.S. While I was in Ireland in the summer, I went to a show, by myself and met so many rad people. I met a dude who even loved Bad Seed haha, anyway this is his band, they're called Find A Way and they're awesome gruff pop punk, check em out!

www.myspace.com/findawayhardcore

the last song i'll ever want to sing

Last night seems pretty surreal. Like a great dream. I had an awesome night, and wish I could have that every night.

Here's to hoping it was more then just a dream.

"theres nothing left to do, but sit and wait, and sit and wait, and sit and wait"

the king of wishful thinking

I hate when I get a text thinking it's you, and then isn't.

i will lie awake

I seriously dont know what to think anymore.

I feel like I'm stepping out of character, and I really hope that doesn't happen.



Im sinkin like a stone in the sea,
Im burning like a bridge for your body.

do me a favour baby dont reply

On Saturday I hit the lowest I've been in a long, long time. It was one main thing with a bunch of smaller things adding to it. I literally was so upset I just sat in my car in a parking lot for an hour by myself. I couldn't be around anyone.

Maybe I should have seen this coming from a mile away. I didn't. It was what I feared most all along, the worst case scenario. And I just told myself everything would be fine in some time.

I wasn't planning on liking anyone this soon. I just happened to find someone I really liked spending time with. And it just sort of happened. I don't regret that it did. Just wish there was a different outcome.

I'm hoping things will eventually work out. Even if it's highly unlikely.

when you went away, you said you'd be, comin up my front porch, just to see me.

im really not happy with anything today.


things i want for christmas:

-money for rent
-some self esteem
-motivation
-owen vinyl



thats it really

lanterns

This is hard, but I'm working through it. Maybe it will be better when I move.

I love sitting in my living room with the lights off and just the fire on.

she'll pull me down

One of the best musicians I have ever met happens to be a good friend of mine. He seriously inspires me to make better music anytime I hear something he has written. Listen to his stuff here http://www.myspace.com/codymeskey, here http://www.myspace.com/killdowntown, and here http://www.myspace.com/luv2mosh.

well you know what they say

Well I've had a weird month. I'm not even going to try and get into exactly what's going on but I'm just going to try and stay level headed, and wait it out. Hopefully things fall into place.

breaking away

I have a wicked plan in the works and I'm so stoked for it to happen. :)

Today I had my first wicked day of food in almost a week, had sooo much vegetarian food today it ruled!

Cant waiiit for the weekend.

I'm a bicycle, I'm too tired to ride home

after afterall

I'm in a bit of a strange situation at the moment. There's nothing I can really do about it but just be myself, keep doing what I'm doing and hope for the best. I wasn't really expecting anything like this to come along at all, I even told friends at the time I was apathetic to what went on regarding that aspect of my life. But something did come along, and maybe it wasn't the best time, but I have had a lot of fun so far and I hope to continue doing so.

I'm really excited for winter :)

if you want it, i want to

how?

how can one song have been playing at the lowest points in my life, and at the highest as well? how can one song make things worse and upset me more, but then later make me feel better? i have no idea.

fireproof

I liked my hair when I first got it cut but now it's just too much. Thinkin about shavin my melon!

Kyle asked me to come on tour with Brighter Brightest today and drive/do merch but after a big fight with my mother, I have declined. Kinda sucks but whatever.

Things have been pretty good lately, I had the best weekend! Got to hang with sweet people, see Cro-Mags, play a show (including our new song which I really enjoy) and hang with someone rad the whole time.

I'm also real stoked to move to Toronto, only 2 months till I start school!!!

cross your fingers, and pray for winter

I need to learn to love me

Saw converge again last night. Unreal. Moshed so hard to axe to fall I ripped my shirt, but it was worth it. Met Jake Bannon, that was pretty cool, considering I have words he wrote tattooed on me. Overall, a great night!

:)

"I do wish I could spend the night with a cute girl and cuddle or something, maybe watch a romcom with. That's pretty much all that could make stuff better right now."



stuff got better :)

four minute mile

Zac just sent me the intrumental of the new Vulture Culture song we recorded the other day and I friggin love it. (VC is a band I'm in with one of my best friends Zac, who I always play in a band with, its inescapable haha) I dont know why I like it so much, its a lot more simple than our other songs but it has a great groove to it.

Lately more and more people tell me I should front a hardcore band. I think it would be a lot of fun, but I dont know any bands looking for vocalists! plus I dont want to commit to anything full time, I have a lot on my plate coming up, but it would be so rad to just let loose onstage and not have to worry about what riff I'm playing or if my amp is too loud.

Oh and my halloween costume is going to rule! haha

Here's to hoping things go well!

Whether we like it or not, thats the way it goes

Lately, stuff has been looking up. I have been just trying to enjoy everything in my life and it's going pretty well! I really need to get my transcript from my highschool tomorrow, not looking forward to that. I wish I could just live in Toronto now. I would totally miss everyone here tons, but I would come back as much as I could to hang.

I got a haircut from my friend Kyle and it's exactly what I wanted! Really stoked on it.

Also, wrote a new song for each of my bands recently and I love them both :)

I do wish I could spend the night with a cute girl and cuddle or something, maybe watch a romcom with. That's pretty much all that could make stuff better right now.

"I never knew, that I would find, a certain time, that I would love my life"

TO DO LIST.

In order of priority

#1. Do my school entry essay type thing.

#2. Buy gym membership.

#3. Get haircut.

#4. Finish my book.

#5. Try and update this blog more!

new leaves

so much stuff is changing right now, and im super bummed. hopefully good will come out of it, this is gonna be weird. No constant band practices/shows, no girlfriend...im hoping shit goes well with me getting into school. this blog is the least formal blog ive ever written, terrible punctuation. oh well. just felt like 100% thinking out loud.

oh and i covered my favourite song ever, listen here www.myspace.com/shaqisfunny

its not very good but whatever

tell me about the long, dark, path home.

So much shit has gone on since my last blog I don't even want to write about it. I think I'm in shock still and eventually it's going to hit me even harder than it already has. Everything I planned and dreamed has been fucked up by something out of my control. I feel like the person responsible doesnt even care.

heartbroken doesnt come close to describing this.

I stay cold forevermore.

pain in my heart

So much has gone on in the past few days.

Some really, really, really shitty things.

I just hope to work through things because the bigger picture is worth it.

Leaving for tour tomorrow. I guarantee I am going to be in all kinds of emotional states while I'm out there.

“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.”

would you really rush out?

I'll post a longer blog later, but a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders today. Not to say it wasn't hard, but I'm glad I did it.

Listen to Owen, Bon Iver, and Evening Hymns.

20.

Today is my 20th birthday. Saying that is kind of surreal. Maybe because I feel I havent accomplised much in 20 years but maybe because I'm just not a teenager again. I don't feel too much need to celebrate my birthday. I mean, celebrations and parties are fun, but if I don't have one I'm not bummed. The new Owen album "New Leaves" leaked (for anyone who doesn't know www.myspace.com/mybandowen it's some of the best music you will ever hear, I promise, and Mike Kinsella happens to be one of my favourite musicians) so I have so far spent my day laying in bed just listening to it on repeat. How could I ask for a better birthday than that? I don't even care if I get any presents, I'm content with this.

I've made up my mind. I'm nervous to break the news but sort of excited to turn over a "new leaf" (pun intended from above) because I'm going to do something I thought I didn't want to do.

That's all really.

I always say "one of these days" and well, that day has come.

come all you weary

Decisions, decisions. I stress myself out.

I am looking forward to the fall and winter. I love cold walks alone.

Lately I cannot get enough Thrice. New thrice that is. Don't get me wrong, I still love old thrice as much as I did when I was younger, but the newer stuff just has so much soul to it. I truly believe they will be a band that stands the test of time. They grow with every album yet never really alienate their audience.

I hate when people complain about aspects of their lives and take no action to fix it.

I am not looking forward to a few things #1 being the fact that I work 10 hours tomorrow.

Getting creative makes me feel good.

I am aware this blog is more scattered thoughts then focused like usual but I guess I have a lot on my mind.

I wonder if anyone reads these posts.

I'm gonna miss Jen when she goes back to school.

All is well, I will rejoice

We are beggars all.

"Night is the harvester of memories. Night is the gatherer of the thoughts that hide in sunlight. Night brings out the inhabitants from the deep cracks that shun the idiotic noise of the masses. Night empowers and makes one bold. True love and the telling of secrets only happens at night. Sunlight is a passionless interrogator. Candlelight brings out the beauty of human form."

This quote was taken from "Do I Come Here Often?" a book by none other than legendary Black Flag frontman, Henry Rollins.

When I read that it was like he read my mind. That paragraph is exactly how I feel about the night. He is an intelligent and interesting man and I plan on reading more of his books.

I really want a bike. It would make getting around so much easier.

if i never make it home tonight..

I looked over all of my blog entries recently and realized it documents a pretty crucial part of my life. I find it neat to go back and read what I was thinking on the night I posted it and re-live whatever was going on at the point.

I also realize most of my posts are when I am bummed out or pissed off, which makes sense because when I am having fun and in a great mood I don't need to get anything out of my system and the last thing on my mind is posting a blog. I hope people don't think I'm a Debbie Downer all the time, I'm usually a pretty laid back and happy dude!

Anyway I only have a minute or two left on my free internet (I'm in london) so I gotta gotta gotta go!

young lions, this is your kingdom

So I am currently typing this blog from my Uncle Paul's attic that has been converted into a bedroom in Dublin, Ireland. It is always nice coming and seeing all my family I never get to see and live life a little differently for a bit. That being said, I miss my friends and girlfriend a lot. I wish I had a cousin who liked slightly similar music to me, I mean you would not think it would be that hard considering I am so open minded when it comes to music.

Things are not going the way I hoped they would. Not even half as good, and I don't really know where my heart is. Sometimes I wonder if it's worthwhile.

I think I am going to get a gym membership when I get back home. I really do not want to become a fat slob. I don't want to be toned or jacked or anything, I just want to do cardio and make sure I'm staying slightly healthy. Plus I bet Jen would appreciate my effort to look nice for her!

If you are not someone who is not very involved with my life (not that anyone reads this blog other than a small handful of my close friends), then I would like to inform you about my new straightedge band, PlanetxDanger. Yeah the name is kinda silly, but I figure, why does a heavy band have to be 100% serious all the time? We are not a joke band, we have songs about family issues, untrustworthy people and trying to figure out who you are and your purpose in life. We also have songs about not wanting to get a job and even a song about zombies.
We just don't take ourselves too seriously at all. We are 5 edge dudes that hang out on the daily. Skateboarding, playing video games, watching movies, and causin' a ruckus everywhere we go. We like to bring our active sense of humour into the band. All this being said, I have worked very hard on crafting 5 songs I believe are solid, not overly generic and I am proud of them. Think Madball, Bad Seed, old AFI, and Champion with some stolen 'Tallica riffs.

It's almost 3 in the morning. This is probably the longest blog I've posted.

you're just jealous 'cause we're young and in love.

Storm and the Sun

I know I haven't updated this in forever, but I felt like it today.

Things have been weird lately, I lost my full time position at work because I am playing too many shows/going to Ireland so I can't be there as often. So I'll be broke for a while.

There are things in the works right now and I really hope they work out.

I am actually kind of excited on going to Ireland, I wasn't at first. But seeing everyone will be nice and venturing over to London will be fun.

If anyone who reads this has twitter you should follow me! twitter.com/emmettxxx

We were supposed to be leaving for London (ON) today to play there tonight at 1pm, not sure why we have not left yet.

Will I dare to follow?

Never I.

I just want to go on tour and leave this town for a while. I'll miss my girlfriend a ton, but I just really need to tour.

I'm still looking for that true and dependable friend from my last post.

I hate bullshit.

Define. Define. Define. Define. Refine. Refine.

No love can save me.

I feel like I have no real, true, friends. All claim to be there for me and I always think none of them would betray me but time and time again they do. I am sick of people bullshitting me and being fake. Either stay true to your fucking word or you are not my friend. I am sick of lies, I am sick of being played like a fool because I give everyone the benefit of the doubt and trust them. Say one thing, do the opposite. I just wish I had a guy friend I was close enough with to tell them everything and be able to completely confide in them and not get fucked over.

I still hate you. You're still worthless, you always will be.

Trust no one.

forgive me destiny, this world has fucking destroyed me.

You do something to me that I can't explain

I don't think it is possible for me to not play music. This week I have 3 different band practices, insane I know, but I live for it. I just want to be able to do music all the time, all different projects with different people. Some polished and precise, others organic and raw. Some sweet and catchy, some dissonant and noisy, some sad, some happy, some angry. I feel like if I won the lottery all I would do is buy a big house and lots of gear and recording equipment and just write and record all the time. I hope one of these days I can do that.

Except I am not a good enough/confident enough musician/writer to write anything worthwile mostly by myself. I wish I was.


get me out of here.

Oh my name it means nothin, my age it means less

This weekend I saw old friends I went to highschool with, it was really nice. It was also really nice to see my girlfriend who I hadn't seen in 3 weeks.

I am quite excited for the Rockets! set on Friday, it will be a fun time.

My lenten promise to give up fast food has stayed strong, I am surprised I have gone without McDonalds for so long.

I love Bob Dylan so much but I also love when people do wicked Bob Dylan covers.

I hope the next few months go well. I really want to tour!

I wish I could get a better job.

I can't think of a line to end this nicely.

Help me stay. Help carry me away.

For anyone reading this, and if you're into heavy stuff, check out my good friend's band To Cherish. You can download their newest EP here. Honestly the best unsigned band in Ontario. Hands down.

Also, I am very excited for the new Chariot album. They have put up videos with clips from songs, live shows, and of themselves hand stamping their new C.D. covers and it is getting me really stoked on the album.

I saw Have Heart tonight and they were so amazing. So much emotion and energy in their set. Would love to see them again.

Tomorrow, well, I guess today I'll be seeing Converge, which is going to be insane. I am really really excited and hope they play all my favourites.

I hate that I can't see my girlfriend more often.

I am kind of stressed about some important things. I guess we'll have to wait and see.

For the times they are a-changin'.

veritas

I get worried a lot. I worry about different things, but there is always at least something. I think I'm just scared I'm not going to get what I want out of life. It's so hard to tell where to go and what to do and what's worthwhile and what's not. I guess that's just life. You don't know what's going to happen. I'm just scared of the future. Scared of even a year from now.

I hate being so far away from you. I wish I could be with you all the time. Everything is alright when we're together.

I still hate you. I know I shouldn't hate anyone, I should forgive everyone. But sometimes it feels good to hate some people. You irritate me like a fucking piece of food stuck in my teeth and I can't wait for the day that the food comes loose and you disappear forever.

I have a new guilty pleasure. All of my guilty pleasures aren't bands that I'm ashamed to like because they're poppy or mainstream, it's always the bands I've bashed and then gone back and relistened and realized they aren't all that bad.

Oh god what I'd give to feel the slightest bit alive again.

So I could be the boy you couldn't be

Lately I have written some lyrics. I plan on writing songs as a side project and using them for that. Here's 2 songs so far.

My Light

What have I done?

Let go of the only thing that matters to me. My light.
Forgiveness seems years from now. I'd do anything for redemption.
This didn't have to happen, what have I done?
I'll pray to god every fucking night that you'll see I care.
I'll despise myself forever.

I need you. My light.

______________________________________________________________________

Fucking Desperate

Who do you think you are?
You're worthless. Fucking desperate, and I've had it up to here with you and and your fake attitude.
I don't care if this makes you want to end your fucking life, you're dead to me and dead inside. And let's not talk about your insides, they've seen more than I care to imagine. You don't know, so don't think you fucking know.
You're fucking desperate. You're a fucking fake. Get it together.

______________________________________________________________________

I know everyone says "No Regrets" but I'll always have one.


The sun can take too long
to end the endless night

i been gone a long time

(I started this post Feb 17th)

I have not posted a blog in two months. I guess I have just been busy with not too much time to myself. Which I am fine with, at least I'm not sitting around bummed out and alone. There is not much to say right now really, just working, playing shows, trying to spend time with my girlfriend and my friends. Just existing really. I want to cut my hair to a different style but I am not sure what. Jen and I cleaned my room last night, and it really is more pleasing to be in a clean room.

(Feb 27th)

I've been writing a ton of lyrics and I really want to start a hardcore-ish band. Something I can just be totally creative in and let out everything I have inside me, good and bad. I want to write almost all the music, the lyrics, do the artwork and packaging by hand, record it very DIY.

You are a legit piece of shit and you don't know what the fuck is going on but when you do, I hope it hits you harder than you ever thought something would.

I love my girlfriend more than anyone can possibly comprehend.

Oh yeah I guess this blog didn't clue you in to the fact that Jen and I are back together. Not that anyone who reads this doesn't know me, but I thought it would make sense if anyone was ever to read this whole thing one day.

this is me reaching out.