bare with me, this is all i have left.

I wish this was less of a one-way street.

I feel really strange, ...off.

i can live without you, but without you i'll be miserable at best

I was in bed and got out to write because I cannot sleep.

I do not know why you stopped talking to me, but if you value our friendship at all (which I thought you did, maybe not) you should at least tell me what I have done wrong. Or maybe you just do not "need" me in your life. But when it gets to the point where I am at your place and you do not say a word to me the entire time I am there, I either A) did something wrong (I have no idea what I could have done, so enlighten me) or B) You just don't give a shit about me. Either way, I trusted you a lot, and it sucks that you don't even make an attempt to talk to me.

I just want you to be home, not that I know if that will make a big difference or not, but it will be nice to know you are closer.

I just want it to be perfect again.



it seems like you're really here.

oh god, save us all.

I have not posted anything on here in a while.

I guess I have sort of been busy?

I thought everything was okay.




It's not.

tell me

Saturday feels like a dream. I set my standards for the night so low, and the outcome was so incredible, it literally feels like a dream.

I cannot wait for 3 weeks from this friday. A long time I know, but it will be the best.

Sometimes I imagine my blog as a book. I never say characters names though. You would know who certain characters were because they are important people in my life that I mention here, but no names. It would be all my random thoughts but with somewhat of a plot because I usually mention one thing on here a lot. Maybe the reader would notice I almost always title my blogs with lyrics from the song I am listening to and I like to end the blog with lyrics I am particularly fond of at that moment (most of the time). The reader's can know my name though. I'm Emmett. Hi reader.

I love Christmas. It really bothers me when people I know do not like Christmas. I completely understand everyone has different experiences in life that make them like or dislike certain things, but I just do not see the point in being so negative towards such a happy time of year.

Stay by my side.

true love

Last night was perfect. It still feels so surreal. I love love. I love you.

lost without you

I am starving but cannot eat. I am so nervous. I hate mixed signals. This all sounds so desperate. "Come on Emmett, it's a girl, why are you so wound up over this?" There is a difference between a girl and the girl. I can actually say I am lucky enough to have felt love so early in my life. I just want it all back. You said you miss it, I just hope you were not just saying that.

Wish me luck lurkers.

Nighttime, Anytime, It's alright.

I got my hair cut today. I never like my hair after I get it cut. I hope it grows out fast, she cut it a little too short, and kind of messed up my beard when she was trimming my sideburns. She was really nice though, so I did not make a big deal. I never know what to say to hair dressers. I just feel like I don't want to be awkward but I never know what to say. I guess those are some reasons why I do not enjoy getting my hair cut.

Cannot wait for Saturday.

Soon Enough, Work and Love will make a man outta you.

good old war

I am loving these guys lately. Unreal harmonies, honest music.

open your eyes

Had the best band practice today. So relieving. We tried out a new drummer, his name is Tom and I have kind of known him for a while. Turns out a) this dude is super nice and super rad, and b) he is a fantastic drummer. He had all the songs perfect, and played them all to click just like we asked. It is just such a relief to know there is someone who wants to be in the band, and that we think is a great fit.

Today all I could think about at the terminal was how everyone and I literally mean everyone, who uses Barrie Transit, smokes cigarettes. "Smokes with the cigarettes". Sorry, had to throw that in. But seriously, it felt like I was no longer breathing in oxygen, just smoke. I am used to being around cigarette smoke a lot, because I have many friends who smoke, but this is just ridiculous. I am also quite proud to say I have never smoked a cigarette in my life.

I have the day off tomorrow, I think I'm going to try and get some stuff done. Clean my room, get a haircut (just a trim), and hopefully get tattooed. I also get paid tomorrow, which is nice.

This whole blogging process is new for me. I never kept a diary or journal, and I have never blogged before this. It's kind of like being naked and thinking no one can see you, but really, anyone can. I am not sure if that analogy made sense.

Tonight we dance, for tomorrow they release the dogs.

i need you so much closer.

I feel empty.

I've been dirty, I've been wrong.

I'm so excited to get paid this Thursday. Money is not everything, but it is nice.

Still so nervous for this weekend. I guess I just have to hope for the best.

It snowed again today but it is not cold enough for it to stay on the ground. I wish it was. Everything looks so much better with a layer of snow on it.

My band put up a new song, we are currently at 478 plays for today alone. I think that's pretty wicked. We're trying out a new drummer tomorrow, I am real excited for a band practice, especially because he seems really into it and apparently has learned all the songs already. He seems like a good fit for the band too. Also, the new song we're working on is probably one of our best yet.

I really believe in love. Probably one of the only things I am 100% sure about in life.


Drag the lake, You'll find it's full of love.

one of these days.

I am real nervous for this weekend. I hope everything goes well. I mean, I think it will. I just hope I am not convincing myself into thinking something that is not true. I'm not sure if that makes sense.
I want to start buying art. I wish I made more money, then I would have so many prints and paintings.

Winter is coming. I love winter. Christmas is my favorite holiday, hands down. I love giving things to people. I love walks in the snow at night. I love the feeling of getting warmed up by the fire after coming in from the cold. I love gingerbread white hot chocolates from Timothy's that I usually get while I'm working. I just feel more complete and cheery usually.

I'm praying everything works out.

i'm not coming home tonight.

I just want one thing that's constant.

canyon lands

It really gets under my skin when people just happen to know everything, and by coincidence this same person is always 100% right. I try not to let people get to me, but "Lord beer me strength" to deal with this bitch. Hopefully I won't have to see her much anymore.

Sometimes I feel like I'm selling out (or not always "selling out", sometimes more of an artistic compromise) playing in the band I play, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I do and I embrace it. I still believe in the music I play obviously, or else I would not play it. I just think you have to be original in a different manner. In order to be original easily, you could just throw 3 random genres together and there you go, you have a new sound. But to try and be original but fit in with other bands and not stray too far from a certain genre is a whole new challenge. I feel like I'm rambling here. There is a large possibility this paragraph will be a miscommunication of what I'm thinking in my head to something totally nonsensical in words.

I am seeking forgiveness. I hope I can do something to redeem myself.


If you want it, I want to.

savor it.

Last night I saw my favorite band, Every Time I Die, again. It was definitely the best time I have seen them. It's really strange that live music can have such an effect on a person. I think that's my favorite thing about music at all really. The way it makes me feel when I am hearing it live, be it myself watching the band or artist, or myself performing. I have not played a show in what seems like forever. It's driving me insane.

I do not like when you are trying to be nice to people and they make it difficult for you. Just accept that I am just trying to help and I genuinely care, please do not just shut it out.

I would love to have a dog. A weiner dog preferably. I've never had a dog or cat before. Only a fish.

I hate the feeling of missing someone a lot. That nauseating knot in your stomach that could be cured just by simply seeing that person.

I have been in the weirdest moods lately. I just wish everything was normal again, I feel like I'm in an awkward in between stage.

yep.

i've come a long way

It was really cold last night, I went for a walk to Mark's place in it. I like walking in the cold. Something about walking at night when it's really cold brings out a certain feeling in me. I also like the idea that I am the only person walking the path that is usually packed full of people on summer days. Occasionally I'll see someone else, walking alone, and I wonder what they're thinking about. Do they have a place to be? Are they just going for a walk to think and clear their head? Maybe both, like me.

The female gender puzzles me on a daily basis. Not always in the romantic sense, but in every way.

I usually do a good job of hiding my feelings if I am angry or sad when I am with my friends, but not as much lately. I just don't really like the attention and pity of everyone in a room. I usually just claim I'm tired or I don't feel well if I'm not masking it enough. I also don't like the fact that if other people can tell I am a little off, it will take away from the positive and fun atmosphere where I am.

My job is quite boring. I mean, I guess I am lucky I get paid to do basically nothing. I just hope when I am older I do something I thoroughly enjoy.

I feel like I don't really belong sometimes as a normal nineteen year old male. Even if I ever said I could "hook up" with a random girl, it's not true at all, I think it's just impossible for me. I guess I just prefer the comfort of knowing you always have someone there for you, it's a lot more satisfying. Then again you could say I wouldn't know because I have never just "hooked up" with anyone. I think I'll stick to my ways, the hopeless romantic that I am. Even if I get bummed out more often. I also realized I don't have a lot of confidence. I never saw myself like that before, but I have recently realized it. I think I genuinely just don't think I am that great of a person, like I'm nothing special. I know that sounds bad but it is the truth.

I need to get my piano tuned, I have been wanting to write some new piano stuff and can't stand the sound of my own playing because it is so awfully out of tune.

let it all out.